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Sexual Assault Only Has ONE Right Answer

I find myself horrified. I've deleted more rants on social media than I can say because politics by keyboard is largely pointless and misses nuance, becoming more harmful than helpful. In addition, I don't have time to argue with faceless assholes, but the current level of bullshit posts I've seen regarding sexual assault victims SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN POLITICAL.

Men and women commit sexual assault. Neither is acceptable. Both criminal- no exceptions for anyone. However facts are facts and more men do it than women- though almost as many men have experienced it, they just don't acknowledge it to themselves (social conditioning at work).

All political parties have sexual predators. Neither is immune. Both are just as guilty of raising their voices louder for the other side's criminals and ignoring their own. However, facts are facts, and you will see more women on the conservative believe: submit to men; it's your fault; only whores get assaulted; just move past it; and it only happens to the pretty and weak. They don't see that as assault anymore because they've been conditioned to believe it's a failure of their own. (Don't believe me, go look on YouTube. I experienced the same bullshit while still going to church.)

Members of society from all classes do it. Money doesn't buy you class or honor. Status doesn't change the reality of your actions, just the judicial and social response. Why? Because we don't want to believe the so-called "best" among us, with power over us, are bad. It's much easier to believe the bad boys, the poor boys, the black boys, those horribles of society, are more likely to commit an assault, than admit good parents raise bad people, and bad things happen to good people, and bad people regularly get their way. And of course, too many want to believe, that should they get success, they'll be able to do whatever they want. Because those victims were asking for it.

The Catholic church stories came out and they were all heroes, people respecting and admiring them for their bravery, even though the stories in some cases were ancient. It didn't stop people from supporting them. But then, it's easy to hate a church hierarchy not your own, and hard to condemn your political party because one requires nothing but hate on your part and hard decisions from you by the other.

People are quick to say, "This would never happen to me, and I would act like______."

Well good for you. I fought back. I was angry and violent when I was assaulted and prevented my rape. But then again, anyone who knew me, knows that I met all forms of violence with violence. Because that's how I'M wired. That's how MY response to fear plays out because my fight/flight response is to fight.

I'm lucky my brain responds to threats with clarity, shutting down fear, and a willingness to lay out anyone. Sometimes stupidly as has happened in the past, but each time, I cried AFTER I was safe- the stress leaving through sobbing and fear AFTER I was safe. For the lesser assaults early, I literally hit back at someone laying hands on me, and told myself I was strong- I could handle this small thing to keep the peace in my small community. For the attack, my trauma came later. In the dark. In silence. But even for a fighter, those things plagued me for years after.

True to the brain's form, I remember much of my attack, and other nasty sexual harassment clearly, but I don't remember everything, and I have a long, good memory.

A memory so good, I remember what happened in high school clear as fuck. I wasn't attacked in high school, that happened in college, but several things happened, then to others, that are locked in my head. People I'd admired and liked as people did fucked up, horrible things. The good kids. The popular kids supported it and perpetuated more harm. Before you ask, yeah, I did something about it, but not what you think, and how I resolved it is irrelevant. IT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED.

Those people knew better, same as the guy assaulted me knew better.

If you're lucky enough to have a fight response, you have no idea the gift you have... until you're attacked. Many, many people's response is flight. Flight doesn't always mean physical, it can mean mental flight through freezing or disassociation for the time the body and brain believes it's in danger.

The description of too many assaults are TEXTBOOK flight. And too many fighters think that response is unacceptable, when their response is a quirk of their brain rather than some grande intelligence or strength of character.

Be grateful if it's never happened to you (it could have). Be grateful if your brain responds with fight (not everyone's does). Be grateful if you feel like you've moved on from one (not everyone can). It doesn't make you especially strong or brilliant, but is more often a quirk of your brain and luck.

Do I believe women assault men. Yes, I've seen it. And am horrified by it. And women should be held to the EXACT SAME STANDARD as men. But too many are doing the "what about" and "women too" as a way to shut down conversation instead of looking to raise the standard on everyone.

We need to adjust our minds to adjust our society. That means accepting that assault (which doesn't automatically mean rape) happens All. The. Damn. Time. Sexual harassment too. You should be pushing for everyone to do better and put the fear of god into everyone about committing sexual assault.

Instead of covering the faults in the way we've handled things in the past due to your discomfort or fear, how about stepping up? How about showing compassion? And how about we educate ourselves on reality, both the stats and the facts of biology?

Because if what you're going to say is, "What is wrong with all these weak people?" I say to you... "What the hell is wrong with you?

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